Habit 5
5. Seek
First to Understand, and then to be Undestood
Because
most people don’t listen very well, one of the great frustrations in life is
that many don’t feel understood. This habit your teen learns the most important
communication skill there is: active listening.
Why is
this habit the key to communication? It’s because the deepest need of the human
heat is to be understood. Everyone wants to be respected and valued for who they
are – a unique, one-of-a-kind, never-to-be-cloned individual. People won’t
expose their soft middles unless they feel genuine love and understanding. Once
they feel it, however, they will tell you more than you may want to hear. People
don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
Listen with
your eyes, heart, and ears. 7 percent of communication is contained in the
words we use. The rest comes from body language (53 percent) and how we say
words, or the tone and feeling reflected in our voice (40 percent)
Most people
are eager to talk and had rather talk than listen. We have one mouth and two
ears. This means we should listen twice as much as we talk. We actually learn
more while listening rather than when we talk. Learn to listen and listen to
learn.
Literally,
really listen, for anything.
Seek first
to understand then to be understood – listen.